Are you married, or do you marry some one?

Watching the movie Eat, Pray, Love on the airplane perhaps sparked my latest inspiration.

Isn’t it interesting how we think about “being married” as a state that is somehow different from the person we are married TO?  The same state, married, can describe everything from bliss to hell….depending on who you’re married to.

How do we get into this trap, setting the marriage as the goal, rather than a relationship, a being, married or not, which is nurturing, caring, supportive, and fun with someone who is all of those qualities to be with.

One of the ways we get into this state is by buying some external guideline to what we should do.  Like a wonderful huggable successful male friend of mine who declared, “I’m ready to settle down and get married,” without having anyone to do it with.  How tempted might he be to fall for any girl willing to hook him?  And he is a catch!

Contrast that to being in a relationship which you’re enjoying and then wondering what else is possible.  In the second case the choice to perhaps marry would come from being in the relationship, from within so to speak, rather than being based on some external societally induced vision of what everyone’s life should look like.

Which has the greater chance of success?

I’d love to hear from you–your stories, questions, points of view…..

And if you’re still looking for someone about whom to ask the question, check out my teleclass, How to Find Mr. Wonderful and Keep Him.  It’s available here.  The latest science AND practical advice. How does it get even better?

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