Biggest challenge in relationships: making YOURSELF wrong!

The votes are in, (though you can still vote!)

I asked participants on my Relationships Made Easy facebook page to list their biggest challenge in relationships.

The biggest challenge was “being in allowance of myself,” and also big was “being me without contracting.” THANK YOU ALL for participating, and you can still add your votes and I hope you will. You can add your own category of challenge, also!

What does this say about relationships? Everyone wants one desperately (or so it seems in those I talk to) while the biggest trap is that most people stop being themselves once in them. What’s right about this we’re not getting?

How does this instant divorcing of yourself occur once you get the relationship you tell yourself you’re looking for?

Another question I ask myself is how did I manage to avoid doing this? I would say part logic/practicality and part luck. The logic/practicality part is that it just doesn’t make any sense to be in a relationship where I can’t be myself. What’s the point? It’s having the relationship but not being in it? What could be the value of that?

And from a practical point of view, how successful can it be? You can’t maintain a facade forever. The person you’re living with is going to find out who you are sooner or later…Personally I find it so un-relaxing to NOT be myself that I’m just not interested in doing that. (That’s kind of the luck part of the equation. I’ve created a relationship where I can be myself just because I wasn’t willing or able to be anything else.)

So how about you? How much of YOU did you give up for your current or most recent relationship? What could be the value of that? Would you be willing to be yourself starting right now?

Being yourself, by the way, does NOT mean dumping all your garbage on your partner’s lap. That’s a Don’t of our 6 don’ts–Don’t Share Your Feelings. There’s plenty of stuff I DO NOT say–and I’m fine with that. Why spread shit? What could possibly be the benefit of that?

You can read more about these Do’s and Don’ts in my new book, The Little Black Book of Relationships, which is available on this site, the www.accessconsciousness site (please go there via so I get a little bonus) and also at How does it get even better?

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