I recently discovered the dirtiest, deepest, darkest secret in most relationships on the planet.
Here’s how I discovered it. I was in Bangalore, India, not so long ago, presenting two workshops, one on money and one on relationships. For the money class, people kept arriving until one hour into my 4 hour presentation, and we had to keep bringing chairs in until it was standing room only.
What’s really important–love or money?
For the relationships class, very few people signed up, although many who came to the money class the night before did come. Apparently they
figured out I had something valuable to offer.Still, only half as many people came to the relationships class as came to the money class. I KNOW from the people in the class that relationships are challenging subject for almost everyone in India, as they are around the world. WHY is it so much easier to get people to come to a workshop on money than to a workshop on relationships?
That’s the dirty little secret I’ve discovered, and it’s true around the world. People are willing to say they’d like more money, and even admit they have problems with money. People may be dying to get out of their relationship, it may be a constant source of misery and conflict in their life, but very few people are willing to admit it’s an area of their life
that’s less than perfect.
Is money better than sex?
The same is true for sex, by the way. Everyone talks about it, but not that many people are getting it.Every study shows that the frequency in sex decreases the longer people are together, and most studies also show that single people have less sex than married people. So who’s getting any?
My guess is that this reluctance to examine a relationship is like the prejudice against counseling and therapy in general, even in this day and age. Forty years ago, the news that a vice-presidential candidate in the U.S. had been hospitalized for depression was enough to prompt him to be forced to withdraw from the presidential race. I spoke with a friend, a former CEO, who consults with CEOs and boards of corporations and non-profits world-wide. Even today, the “leaders” of these organizations are not allowed to participate in any kind of personal growth workshops or counseling, as that would be an indication of weakness on their part.
When it comes to our emotional and personal lives, we’re supposed to be bandbox perfect from the get go, whereas everyone knows it’s actually smart to seek advice about finances. Otherwise there would be a stigma on consulting a financial planner like there is on getting any kind of personal growth advice.Is this prejudice helping us or hurting us? If it stops us from learning tools that would make our lives and our relationships easier, more fun, and more rewarding, I submit it’s creating even more limitations for us.
Butthen, you’re reading this blog so perhaps you’re just a wee bit different. Congratulations, by the way! Here’s a question you could live with: What else is possible for me and my relationships that I haven’t yet considered?