Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have not been seen in public together in a month, and she recently moved to New York while he continues to live in LA.
Is anyone surprised this marriage is ending? Here’s a tool: when you notice a relationship going sour, you can create more awareness for yourself by asking yourself this question: What did I deny I knew or pretend not to know when I entered this relationship? (This same question applies to any other situation that you create in your life.)
I do not personally know either of these stars. Everything below is based on what I have read about them in a variety of different media over the years.
Tom is an avowed Scientologist. This is a cult which preys on celebrities and others. They have a way of discovering career-ruining information about their star members, which allows them to control these celebrities and keep them from ever leaving their cult.
Be that as it may, Katie knew that Tom was a Scientologist when she married him. There were many reports that she tried to conform to his thinking in this way and the Woman’s Day article in front of me reports they even participated in Scientology marriage counseling in November, albeit unsuccessfully.
One of the 6 Dos in my list of 6 Dos and 6 Don’ts to Create a Relationship that’s Easy and Fun is to look at the person you’re with, not who you wish you were with. Now the money, apparent sexiness, and star quality of Tom Cruise may have been blinding–not hard to understand given that Katie was no more than 27 when they got together.
But believing a relationship with someone committed to a cult or a religion, any religion, that isn’t also near and dear to your own heart is dangerous territory. This is especially true of something as controlling as Scientology, or any religion which the participant practices with literal strictness, including Christianity, orthodox Judaism, or Islam.
Was Katie like the ingenue who married the alcoholic, telling herself, “I know he drinks a bit, but I know that he loves me and he’ll change once we’re married.” That is blind faith. That is lying to yourself that everything will work out as you want it to just because you want it to. It’s not allowance, looking at what is really occurring.
Did she decide that all the glamour meant they were “meant to be together” despite everything? I would say, “WHO meant you to be together?” God? Scientology? Tom? Your sex hormones?
For a relationship to be successful, each person has to be willing to be themselves within it. Tom was going to continue to be Tom, which is going to include Scientology as long as he chooses it. If that was not something Katie was prepared to live with, she could have saved herself a lot of pain by being honest with herself about that. Again, not to blame her–the star quality and glamour can be so seductive, especially to an aspiring actress at a young age.
But this blog is to contribute to you. What can YOU learn from her mistakes? What do you know that you’re pretending not to know or denying that you know, in your relationships or any area of your life?
As Katie’s example demonstrates so poignantly, this denial only causes pain in the end. The willingness to be honest with yourself in the present can prevent a lot of pain in the future. The choice is yours…..